Forgiveness of a Father

I was so angry at everyone this time last week. I had almost killed myslef--not that that was my goal--yet there I was in the hospital, in the intensive care unit, waiting to be 302'd (involuntarily committed) to Norristown State Hospital. Seems I was a danger to myself. It would take me two or three days to realize that I was.

But this time last week, it was the Dr.'s fault, my sister's fault, my dad's fault . . . All I had done was take a few pills and cut my arms. And according to me, that was not worthy of being committed to the neighborhood mental institution. I was seething with anger, particularly at my dad, and left him a bitterly mean message on our answering machine. It was my sincerest hope to hurt him as much as possible with my words. The most hurtful thing I could think of to say, even though I knew before it even came out that there was no way I could actually follow through on it, was that I would never forgive him for letting this happen to me.

As I lay crying myself to sleep after leaving the message, I knew my words were a sham. I wanted to be angry so I did my best to hold onto it, but my heart knew how much I loved my dad and how much he loved me. That night my parents and Wendy came to visit me and I waited eagerly for them--peeking out the tiny windows of the main door to see if they were in the waiting room yet. All of my anger had dissipated and I was just glad to see them, to not feel so alone. The moment my dad walked throught the door I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. He held me tightly too and I knew he was crying. I told him how sorry I was for what I had said and he just said "I know" and told me how much he loved me.

Forgiveness. Acceptance. What honey-sweet words. All had been forgotten except for my dad's immeasurable love for me. This brings an incredible truth to my attention (thanks Wendy!). God, my Father, looks on me the same way. All is forgotten except for His immeasurable love for me. It is as far as the east is from the west.

"I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.
I will build you up again, and you, Virgin Israel, will be rebuilt." Jeremiah 31: 3-4