Lessons from Joseph

Times have been rough. I bought a new bikini last weekend and wore it at a friend's birthday (pool) party. I looked great! But I know that how I looked was because of my unhealthy eating habits. I want so much to change, but I fear that if I do so, I won't be able to maintain that great bikini look.

Constant tension. What to do? Most days I feel so helpless, like this is just how I am and it's never going to change. I feel my only hope is holding onto God and waiting for him to change me. I've realized that I am so self-focused. Like I said yesterday, I've been making the world all about me. But as I grow and learn to make God my focus, I hope that I will gain a greater perspective on myself and my weight and then I will eventually be okay with the way I look which will free me to finally and completely change my eating habits.

I was reading about Joseph this morning. He is one of the Bible's characters that I have always felt very drawn to. As I read, I meditated on his journey. What was it like for him as he traveled in captivity from his homeland to Egypt where he was sold as a slave to Potiphar? Oh, how I wish we had his journal to see what his thoughts and internal conflicts were. Did he blame his brothers, his father, or maybe God? Did he harbor bitterness in his heart for a long time and struggle with it as he worked in Potiphar's household? All we know is that he was sold to Potiphar and that God blessed him so much there that Potiphar noticed and eventually set all of his household under the care and control of Joseph. So Joseph must have worked really hard and devoted himself to the service of his master. But how long did this take? Was it years before he relented and served dutifully? Did he ever try to escape?

I don't have answers to these questions. Whether it took years for him to come to this point, or if he gave in right away, what I do know is this: Joseph was faced with imprisonment and somewhere along the way, he chose to make the best of it. And God blessed him for it.

Bloom where you are planted.

This is a saying I have grown to love and am working at making a part of my life. Joseph and I have this one thing in common: We are both imprisoned. I want to learn the lesson of Joseph's life. Whether you like where you find yourself or not, Bloom where you are planted. Joseph didn't like his circumstance, he was betrayed by his brothers and sold into slavery. But he chose to work diligently and to honor God in the midst of his suffering. And God blessed him for it. And eventually FREED him from captivity. I must find a way to do the same. I am not sure what this looks like. How to honor God in the midst of my eating disorder. But I will continue to work at it until God brings me freedom. Although I don't know this for sure, I guess that Joseph didn't get it right the first time either.