Wendy gave me a book to read--Henri Nouwen's Here and Now. Such amazing Truth was revealed in just the opening pages. Man, I think this summer is going to be called the Summer of Gaining Perspective. My eyes are being opened to how much I am focusing on everything that I shouldn't be.
Forgive me as I proceed to quote like crazy from what I've read so far.
He opens by saying, "We must learn to live each day, each hour, yes, each minute as a new beginning, as a unique opportunity to make everything new." This goes along beautifully with scripture where God says, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation: The old has gone, the new has come!". Nouwen then writes, "The problem is that we allow our past, which becomes longer and longer each year, to say to us: "You know it all; you have seen it all, be realistic; the future will be just another repeat of the past. Try and survive it as best you can".
How long I have viewed my life as just something to be survived, to be endured. What a defeatest way of thinking! Nouwen calls these lies we listen to "foxes" and says, "When we listen to these foxes, they eventually prove themselves right: our new year, our new day, our new hour become flat, boring, dull, and without anything new".
The answer to this? Listen to God's voice, not the foxes. God says to us, "Let me show you where I live among my people. My name is 'God-with-you.' I will wipe away all the tears from your eyes; there will be no more death, and no more mourning or sadness. The world of the past has gone". He goes on to say, "We must choose to listen to that voice, and every choice will open us a little more to discover the new life hidden in the moment, waiting eagerly to be born".
Whose voice am I listening to? Not God's! I've been listening to my voice. I've been listening to the lies of the fox. And then I cry out to God that I am captive and I want freedom, and He says to me, 'listen to my voice and follow me'. He pleads with me to listen to Him, but I shut my ears and choose to believe the lies.
Why? Why do I do this? I am purposefully thwarting God and listening to the enemy. Good ol' Henri N. has an answer to this too. This knocked me off my chair:
It is hard to live in the present. The past and the future keep harassing us. The past with guilt, the future with worries . . . The real enemies of our life are the "oughts" and the "ifs". They pull us backward into the unalterable past and forward into the unpredictable future. But real life takes place inthe here and the now. God is a god of the presnt. God is always in the moment, be that moment hard or easy, joyful or painful. God is . . . the One who is, and who is for me in the present moment. That's why Jesus came to wipe away the burden of the pst and the worries for the future. He wants us to disciver God right where we are, here and now."
Holy freaking Cow! Could God have slammed me with more Truth about life and about me? I sat and meditated on this after I read it and was just overwhelmed. I have been so wrapped up in the pain, regret, guilt, and shame of my past, and the fear of the future, that I haven't allowed God to reach me in my present moments. But as Nouwen says, this, the here and the now, this is Real Life. This is where God can meet me. I have literally been living in the past--whining about it to God, and I've been literally living in the future--crying out over my fears, and God has been trying to tell me: Shhhhhhh! Quiet down and listen! You can't change the past and you can't live in fear of the future. But I am Immanuel. Right here, and Right Now I am with you.
Yes, and Amen.
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