Ahh, gas. Yes, the funny little thing our bodies do, most usually at the worst times possible. So, if we all do--especially men--they why is it so horrendously embarrassing, particularly if you do it around a guy? Who knows. I suppose it could have something to do with the smell. I like to think of farting as nature's way of telling us what our colons smell like.
Have you ever thought that? I do all the time. When I get a whiff of that methane, I think: "Wow! I'm inhaling the air that was just in someone else's colon!" Lovely.
So, I mention this as an introduction to a little problem I've been having. Recently, I switched over to a vegetarian diet (I can get into "why" on another day--I do have a paper to finish writing tonight) and my system apparently really likes the status quo. I have pretty much been bloated constantly since going 100% veggie about two weeks ago. Well, my system is revolting, my roommates are revolting, and I just plain smell bad 9 times out of 10. What to do?! I know this diet is much healthier for my body, so shouldn't my colon be thanking me? Ungrateful, lowly organ! Hopefully, it will regulate itself as I continue to expel 29 years worth of toxins. I wonder if my dad (a mechanical engineer) could somehow measure the psi in my belly?
24 September, 2007
Grad School Blues
I am still very nervous about writing papers for grad school. I've written three so far, but haven't received grades on any of them yet. I would feel much better if at least one of my professors would get a paper back to me with a good grade on it. I know that I have excellent writing skills, yet, I feel nervous that my undergrad skills just aren't going to hack it now. All of my professors keep reminding us that "we are in grad school now" and the bar is much higher.
The other thing that is bothering me? Jaina Cronkrite. My toughest prof so far keeps referring to her papers and her research. "Check out Ms. Cronkrite's work online to see an example of a good paper." "Jaina's research" this and "Jaina's research" that. Most recently, he said he got a call from her saying she had posted one of her book reviews on her blog and the author of the book happened to read it and wanted to officially publish it online. Darn that suck-up Jaina Cronkrite!
So, instead of focusing on my paper as I should be right now, I am posting here. I am feeling completely overwhelmed with all of the work that I have before me--especially the two huge research projects. I have been so busy keeping up with all of the smaller weekly assignments that I haven't even touched the research yet. Another concern is that this is the first time I will actually be performing the research--not just reading someone else's. And then there is the issue of colons and semi-colons. What the heck are these two little buggers and when in the world do you use them? I've checked multiple sources and they all seem to have slightly different approaches. I bet Jaina Cronkrite gets them all perfect. Bah Humbug!
I just want to go to my sister's, hang out with my neice and nephew, and then watch a movie. Who's decision was this grad school thing anyway!
The other thing that is bothering me? Jaina Cronkrite. My toughest prof so far keeps referring to her papers and her research. "Check out Ms. Cronkrite's work online to see an example of a good paper." "Jaina's research" this and "Jaina's research" that. Most recently, he said he got a call from her saying she had posted one of her book reviews on her blog and the author of the book happened to read it and wanted to officially publish it online. Darn that suck-up Jaina Cronkrite!
So, instead of focusing on my paper as I should be right now, I am posting here. I am feeling completely overwhelmed with all of the work that I have before me--especially the two huge research projects. I have been so busy keeping up with all of the smaller weekly assignments that I haven't even touched the research yet. Another concern is that this is the first time I will actually be performing the research--not just reading someone else's. And then there is the issue of colons and semi-colons. What the heck are these two little buggers and when in the world do you use them? I've checked multiple sources and they all seem to have slightly different approaches. I bet Jaina Cronkrite gets them all perfect. Bah Humbug!
I just want to go to my sister's, hang out with my neice and nephew, and then watch a movie. Who's decision was this grad school thing anyway!
19 September, 2007
A new battle to fight
It seems as though it has been a millennium since I have posted on here, but I'd like to try and be more faithful. Over this time, though, my life and circumstances have changed significantly.
I look back at my suicide attempt as a huge turning point in my life--true, there have been many failures and mistakes since then, but the general trend has been up. That's encouraging! My eating disorder no longer rules my life as it did when I started this blog, yet I continue fighting battles on many other fronts.
Just a note about my eating issues: I am a beloved woman! And I am a lovely woman--it has taken me such a long time to come to a place emotionally where I could joyously pronounce that. I will still have some days here and there when I feel a bit "unhappy" about my body, but those moments are mild and infrequent. Sincere and effusive praise to God for this change! I attribute it to God transforming my heart into one that looks outward with love for Him and others rather than inward with selfishness and self-pity.
This transformation that God is doing brings me to some of my new battles. Since I was very young, God has been in the process of building and shaping my life experiences to develop in me a heart of radical love and willingness to do radical things. As I have been learning, though, these things are really not all that radical. They are simply what Jesus did, how He lived, and how the early Christians for centuries lived.
So I am now at the Campolo School for Social Change (Eastern University) working on my Masters in Urban Studies and Community Development. I'm not entirely sure where this is going to take me, but I know that God has called me to live out the Gospel of Jesus Christ authentically here in Philadelphia. I have completely fallen in love with this city, and every day, I am more and more confident of my decision to move to the city and be here among her people.
So, these are my new battle fronts: Urban poverty and homelessness. (I met a homeless man in Rittenhouse Square the other night. Most people just write the homeless off, but a friend and I actually talked with him, shook his hand, and learned his name. During our conversation, we learned that this man was actually drug-free--it was obvious by his presence of mind and it's easy to identify someone who is fiending, aka, desperate for their next fix. This man wasn't able to work because he didn't have a home, an address, a place to get good/safe rest. He didn't have a bathroom to get clean and presentable clothes to wear. So, he got connected with a Salvation Army shelter in Roxborough, but had to wait for a bed to open. So, he was just stuck on the street until he was able to actually get admitted.
According to the early Christian writers, if you had an extra bed/bedroom in your home and there were any homeless on the streets at the time, you were considered guilty for keeping them homeless. Also, if you had an extra shirt and someone was without clothing, you were considered guilty of stealing from them.
I am aware that these ideas probably sound outrageous and unrealistic to most of you--yet I pose the question--ISN'T THAT EXACTLY WHAT JESUS WAS IN HIS ERA? That is why He was hated by so many--because He was teaching and living something radically different from the culture and beliefs of his day. Just the same, I believe American Christians need to reevaluate their lifestyles asking the really difficult questions of how Christ would want us to live in our time given the unique problems facing us nationally and globally.
That was a tremendous tangent. Back to my new battles: Pervasive drug use leading to death, crime, unemployment, homelessness, children in foster care, lack of education, etc. Also, Human trafficking (sex slaves: right here in Philadelphia is the largest pornography ring in the U.S.--it is feared that they are using our middle and high school girls for photo and video porn--but it is all very secretive) Another huge issue is Education and the dramatic gap between the achievement of black and Hispanic students and white and Asian students.
I am coming dangerously close to rambling, yet this is only a small sampling of the serious issues that are facing our city today. As a follower of Christ, I am called to address these issues and take care of His children here in Philadelphia. Anyone wanting to get involved taking care of these "orphans" and "widows," please contact me and join in my community of hope for Philadelphia.
I look back at my suicide attempt as a huge turning point in my life--true, there have been many failures and mistakes since then, but the general trend has been up. That's encouraging! My eating disorder no longer rules my life as it did when I started this blog, yet I continue fighting battles on many other fronts.
Just a note about my eating issues: I am a beloved woman! And I am a lovely woman--it has taken me such a long time to come to a place emotionally where I could joyously pronounce that. I will still have some days here and there when I feel a bit "unhappy" about my body, but those moments are mild and infrequent. Sincere and effusive praise to God for this change! I attribute it to God transforming my heart into one that looks outward with love for Him and others rather than inward with selfishness and self-pity.
This transformation that God is doing brings me to some of my new battles. Since I was very young, God has been in the process of building and shaping my life experiences to develop in me a heart of radical love and willingness to do radical things. As I have been learning, though, these things are really not all that radical. They are simply what Jesus did, how He lived, and how the early Christians for centuries lived.
So I am now at the Campolo School for Social Change (Eastern University) working on my Masters in Urban Studies and Community Development. I'm not entirely sure where this is going to take me, but I know that God has called me to live out the Gospel of Jesus Christ authentically here in Philadelphia. I have completely fallen in love with this city, and every day, I am more and more confident of my decision to move to the city and be here among her people.
So, these are my new battle fronts: Urban poverty and homelessness. (I met a homeless man in Rittenhouse Square the other night. Most people just write the homeless off, but a friend and I actually talked with him, shook his hand, and learned his name. During our conversation, we learned that this man was actually drug-free--it was obvious by his presence of mind and it's easy to identify someone who is fiending, aka, desperate for their next fix. This man wasn't able to work because he didn't have a home, an address, a place to get good/safe rest. He didn't have a bathroom to get clean and presentable clothes to wear. So, he got connected with a Salvation Army shelter in Roxborough, but had to wait for a bed to open. So, he was just stuck on the street until he was able to actually get admitted.
According to the early Christian writers, if you had an extra bed/bedroom in your home and there were any homeless on the streets at the time, you were considered guilty for keeping them homeless. Also, if you had an extra shirt and someone was without clothing, you were considered guilty of stealing from them.
I am aware that these ideas probably sound outrageous and unrealistic to most of you--yet I pose the question--ISN'T THAT EXACTLY WHAT JESUS WAS IN HIS ERA? That is why He was hated by so many--because He was teaching and living something radically different from the culture and beliefs of his day. Just the same, I believe American Christians need to reevaluate their lifestyles asking the really difficult questions of how Christ would want us to live in our time given the unique problems facing us nationally and globally.
That was a tremendous tangent. Back to my new battles: Pervasive drug use leading to death, crime, unemployment, homelessness, children in foster care, lack of education, etc. Also, Human trafficking (sex slaves: right here in Philadelphia is the largest pornography ring in the U.S.--it is feared that they are using our middle and high school girls for photo and video porn--but it is all very secretive) Another huge issue is Education and the dramatic gap between the achievement of black and Hispanic students and white and Asian students.
I am coming dangerously close to rambling, yet this is only a small sampling of the serious issues that are facing our city today. As a follower of Christ, I am called to address these issues and take care of His children here in Philadelphia. Anyone wanting to get involved taking care of these "orphans" and "widows," please contact me and join in my community of hope for Philadelphia.
- DOWN WITH SELF-CENTERDNESS, UP WITH LOVE!!!!!!
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